i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
