I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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