Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
