The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
