Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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