I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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