so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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