fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
