Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
