I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
