how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
