I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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