Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just crazy horny about you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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