Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
