also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize