So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
