so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize