Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
