The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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