im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
