dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
