she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
