So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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