and she was petting her beer can
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize