make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
