I just cut my nipple shaving
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize