were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
