No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
