No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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