His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
