why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
