This girl is more easily done than said...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like heaven, but drunker
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
