Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
