i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
