I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize