Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
