Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
