Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
