I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
