she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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