She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
