dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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