there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
