im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
there is glitter all over my balls
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize