I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
