birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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