You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
