I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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