when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
