I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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