He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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