how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
