ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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