I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
