I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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