so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
