She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we made out on top of his cat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
