Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
