so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
