Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
