he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
