Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
