and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
