Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
