Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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