you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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