people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
