i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
