Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
