I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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