Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
