Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
