You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
